Saturday, April 8, 2017

I Heart My Little A-Holes by Karen Alpert

Title: I Heart My Little A-Holes
Author: Karen Alpert
Genre: Nonfiction/Parenting
Published: April 8, 2014
Pages: 309


When your son wakes you up at 3:00 A.M. because he wants to watch Caillou, he’s an a-hole. When your daughter outlines every corner of your living room with a purple crayon, she’s an a-hole. When your rug rats purposely decorate the kitchen ceiling with their smoothies, they’re a-holes. So it’s only natural to want to kill them sometimes. Of course you can’t because you’d go to prison, and then you’d really never get to poop alone again. Plus, there’s that whole loving them more than anything in the whole world thing. Karen Alpert is the writer of the popular blog Baby Sideburns. You may have seen some of her more viral posts like “Ten Things I Really F’ing Want for Mother’s Day,” “Daddy Sticker Chart” and “What NOT to F’ing Buy My Kids this Holiday.” Or you may know her from her Facebook page that has over 130,000 followers. I Heart My Little A-Holes is full of hilarious stories, lists, thoughts and pictures that will make you laugh so hard you’ll wish you were wearing a diaper. 


I was given a copy of this book at a super-belated baby shower my friends had for me (my youngest child was born in May of 2011, that's how late this baby shower was.) Apparently one of my friends thought I wasn't aware by that point that kids are assholes. I decided to read the book anyway though, to see why Ms. Alpert thinks kids are assholes. 

This book really resonated with me on a deep, spiritual level. Probably because "I'm going to kill her." "Make it look like an accident." gets said in my house on almost a daily basis for one reason or another. (Calm down, she's still alive for now.) Surprisingly, it almost never gets said about my son. (Which is probably why we decided to go ahead and have a second child in the first place. He lulled us into a false sense of security the punk.) But the point is, I absolutely get what K-Dawg is laying down in this book. 

I particularly enjoyed how Karen brought so much humor to all those little every day annoyances that go along with being a parent, and makes it seem like it's okay to hate it sometimes, because I do, I really do. Like when I've gone a week without showering because I can't trust my daughter not to scale the bookcase to get the scissors that are out of even my reach in order to slice her brand new pajamas to shreds if left unsupervised, and by the time my husband gets home and we eat dinner, I'm just too exhausted to possibly stand up for the time it would take to wash my hair. 

So if you are a mom who is at her wits end, I highly suggest you read this book. You'll still be at your wits end, but at least you'll be able to laugh about it. 

I give this book 7 glasses of wine. 

Buy the Book

About the Author

Karen is the ridiculously hairy, self-deprecating writer of the popular blog Baby Sideburns. You may have seen a few of her more viral posts like "What NOT to F'ing buy my kids this holiday" and "Caillou sucks so bad, here's another blog about why I hate him." She spent fifteen years working for national advertising agencies until she was promoted to her newest favorite job— Mommy. She lives with her two amazing kiddos and a very forgiving husband who is kind enough not to call her Cousin It when she undresses for bed every night.

Alternate Reviews

If you would like to read some legitimate reviews of this book, just click any of the following links. 

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