Sunday, October 8, 2017

Make Your Own Sex Toys by Matt Pagett

Title: Make Your Own Sex Toys
Author: Matt Pagett
Genre: Self-help/crafts
Published: February 1, 2007
Pages: 128


Giving new meaning to the expression "take pleasure into your own hands," Make Your Own Sex Toys is a witty yet practical guide featuring how-to directions for 50 inventive DIY accoutrements. Readers can whip up the Knitted Willy Warmer for cold winter nights, get turned on with the Electro Stimu vibrator, or assemble the Mutual Member double-dildo to cheer up a lonely friend. Practical information plus easy-to-follow instructions and diagrams ensure professional results even for the crafting novice. With quick-reference sidebars, crafty improvisation ideas, and handy shortcuts, Make Your Own Sex Toys is sure to get the creative juices flowing.


I was gifted a copy of this book at my bachelorette party. And can we just talk for a minute about what a bunch of cheap asses my friends are. Instead of buying me sexy lingerie or actual sex toys for my bachelorette party (like most people do), they bought me this freakin' book instead, expecting me to do it myself. I thought marriage was supposed to be the end of doing it myself, but apparently I was mistaken. 

Now I'm not the type of person to let a book go to waste, so I read this anyway, hoping that it would give me some good ideas for cheap sex toys to spice up my new husband's and my love life (you know, after the honeymoon phase was over of course). After spending fifty thousand dollars on the wedding of his dreams, we just weren't going to have a lot of wiggle room in our budget, so anywhere I can save a buck or two is a good thing. 

And I wish I could say that this book has some great ideas, but I can't say it honestly. I mean sure, The Willy Warmer is kind of neat, I guess. But I'm not sure how well they stand up to the test of time because my husband keeps asking me to make more of them and I can never find them around the house when I go looking for them. And I tried the pleasure beads myself and ended up in the ER having splinters removed from my va-jay-jay. Pro-tip, do not insert wooden objects in your body. 

I'm honestly really disappointed that this book doesn't have better ideas in it, because my love life took a serious nosedive pretty much the minute we got home from the honeymoon. We haven't had sex in almost two months, and our wedding was only three months ago. I've spent more time doing it myself since getting married than I did before I met my husband. When we were dating, I thought his desire to abstain was a religious thing, and I totally respect that, but now I'm beginning to think that maybe there's something wrong with me. I really just wish he'd look at me the same way he looks at his best friend, Matt. 

But for now, I'm off to enjoy a cucumber (tip #34). 

Buy the Book

About the Author

Matt Pagett is an author, artist, and illustrator living in Brighton, U.K., whose work has appeared in numerous books, magazines, on record covers, and gallery walls.

Alternate Reviews

You're just going to have to check the reviews on Amazon for this book. No self-respecting book blogger would review a book like this. 

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